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Do you feel alone? Infertility Shared Stories.

Because it’s beneficial (and easier) to talk about yourself on the web

I waited for you as something that I thought was properly mine. I assumed that as a woman, I had the right to become a mother. But it was not so”. It is a narrative of infertility from the HPV virus that is both unique and similar to many reported on the web. When we talk about the birth rate drop in our country, we also need to look in the face of every “failed” mother of Fertility AMH Profile .

Financial challenges and a feeling of uneasiness.

But also infertility and waiting for the renowned “right moment” that never comes. The reasons for the demographic winter that our country is experiencing are diverse and complex. The issue is serious, as indicated by the data given during the “Natal is Future” symposium.

It’s a record: 1.24 children per woman.

For the first time, fewer than 400,000 children were born in Italy in 2021. Our country falls below the quantity of children per woman that would assure balance between generations, i.e. 2. Today, we are at 1.24 (in 1965, we were at 2.67). As the population is clearly declining and getting older—there will be 1.6 million fewer people living there by 2030—fertility profiles are gaining popularity.

Guilt

However, the drama is unique to a couple who are having difficulty fulfilling their dream of becoming parents. Indeed, the fact that having a kid is now conceivable at an increasingly advanced age weighs like a sense of shame on people who feel like they have “missed the train” forever.

Why tell your story?

«This is why it is crucial to tell your tale and share your infertility story with other ladies who have had the similar struggle. Parolefertili, for this reason. It was born, a story-sharing website, to relate one’s journey in quest of a kid”, » says Cristina Cenci, anthropologist and founder of Parole Fertile.

«Hiding the desire for a child in social, friendship and emotional networks helps to prevent representing oneself as “sterile”, sick, inferior, guilty». The partnership is burdened with a plethora of anxieties, information and comparison demands, feelings, and ambivalences. «On the contrary», explains Cenci, «between strangers with the same experience, an emotional harmony, an anonymous intimacy is developed. Truly fertile words can come from them. And with them, a narrative community can be established that allows us to process what happened, step by step.”

Waiting for the “right time.”

Because in an ART and assisted fertilization procedure, you confront quite various moments: from the unbearable longing to the joyful optimism that it “works”, from the misery of waiting to the frustration of failure. To the anguish of loss.

On Parole Fertili, you can read Stefy’s narrative, for example. “Never before have I been a woman. With this blood that treacherously pours between my legs and informs me that I have failed. Also, this time. I have been 36 for two months, and I am one of those women who waited for “the right moment”, one of those who wanted the certainty of a house with two bedrooms, a mortgage granted, a love story that could become a life story, a job to which one dedicates more hours than necessary, almost in search of legitimation, of authorization for nine months of stand by”.

A story, as Cenci explains, comprises features common to many.

«First of all, waiting for the appropriate moment. And that is the social periods regarded legitimate for a child.”

On the one hand, she expects to create the economic and emotional conditions to ensure the child a stable home and future. If a 19-year-old girl told us she was pregnant, we would receive the news as an unexpected challenge. However, the public conversation about the birth rate makes prospective moms feel guilty: do you want a child when you reach this age? But what do you expect? «At his age! Why did she only decide now? »

Elena writes: “I looked to specialists to learn if there were real possibilities. I was turned inside out… Expensive checks, often unpleasant, frequently humiliating… it’s not nice to hear: Oh ma’am, at your age… Why have you only made up your decision now?”

Also, on Parole Fertili is Manuela’s story: “I was used to living with the sense of inadequacy, that subtle, persistent and slightly horrible sensation that always makes you feel that you are not up to the task, of not being “quite something.” But this time, it was different. Exams are fast, inexpensive, and easy to attain. We are different because we were raised to believe that having a child is the easiest and most natural thing in the world. It’s not an issue of being capable but of doing or not doing it. Do you want it or not? We were not ready to face a third way: not succeeding.”

Children are the pinnacle of adult existence. And the fixation

If once, adds Cenci, children signaled the entrance, especially for a woman, into adult life, today they represent the completion. What if they don’t arrive? It’s the fault of those who don’t know how to do them. But this is a societal construct. A construct that also keeps the individual subject, that is, every woman, in the grip of contradictory messages”, argues the anthropologist.

The obsession with looking for a kid

It is a vertigo that impacts the lives of many couples. Women, above all, who, during the travel, become engrossed by the journey. Even in these circumstances, reading the HPV stories of others is a support: “It doesn’t free you from the obsession, but it opens up opportunities: other women have accepted that they can’t have children and have found different ways of putting their lives back together.”

The metaphor of Words is the gift of one’s life narrative, feelings, and how one can always feel fertile. Therefore, story sharing about Fertility is one of how stories can take care: supplying words to communicate worry and discouragement, offering meanings, inspiration, courage, strength.